Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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