As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
