Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i drank out of a bidet.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
