A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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