just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
