i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
