So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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