broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
