Sponge bath it is.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
