I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
