I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
