Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
