I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
this is an emotional support booty call
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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