Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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