I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
