drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
