i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
