So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
