I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Drake has all the answers
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
