he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
