we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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