he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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