it hurts more in the daytime
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
