So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
