His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
