he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
