Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
