I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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