I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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