Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
