It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she peed on how many people?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Blood and glitter go together right?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
