All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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