I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
