May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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