I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
