why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I supernannyed him into submission
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
