dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
