it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
