so explain again why im purple
no
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
