Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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