ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
