dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
