Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I think my moral compass just broke
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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