god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
There are leaves in my underwear?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
