you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
