Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
