K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Please, let me fuck your mom
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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