Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
