Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
