I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
