its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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