I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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