we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Randomize
