i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
