oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
