taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
