I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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